Freedom. Sweet freedom! It was a four hour crawl through a three foot wide sewer pipe, but I finally escaped the confines of my prison where I was held for a crime I did not commit. Twenty years, I spent behind bars. Two decades that I will never get back. But I’m free, and the important this is, the outfit I wore that got covered in sewage is easily cleaned. Of course, I’m talking about my birthday girl dress.
Why did I choose that outfit to escape? Because I was able to fool my captors that I was a nine year old girl on the way to a party. I donned the most beautiful, floral birthday girl dress to dance and frolic in. All the guards were completely enamored by my twirling and dancing. They were so wonderstruck by the girls birthday dresses that I put on, not one of them bothered to notice that I have a big pushy handlebar mustache! Ha ha, I completely fooled them with my gorgeous outfit that I donned. Incidentally, Don is my middle name.
After I distracted the guards with my dancing, I excused myself to the ladies room to freshen up. Ironically, I did just the opposite by taking a swan dive into the toilet. I managed to squeeze my head through the narrow pipers of the commode, hit the flusher with my toe, and away I went down the toilet. I could’ve done without the counter-clockwise spinning, but that’s a small price to pay for the escape, don’t you think. Once inside the septic system, I used the hem of my girls birthday dress to cover my nose so that I wouldn’t puke from the wretched smell. Luckily, I wasn’t wearing a skirt, because if I was, I wouldn’t have been able to wipe the feces from my eyes. My birthday girl dress comes to the rescue once more!
Once I was spit out of the drainage pipe, i had to outrun the bloodhounds. I made it to a small farming town where I stole a 1959 Chevy and drove to the big city. My first stop was a laundromat so that I could freshen up and wash some of my girls birthday dresses. I didn’t want to stand out like a sore thumb in this town looking like a girl with a dirty dress. That would be a dead giveaway, don’t you agree?
The proceeding was not a true story. But if you would like to see some girls birthday dresses that are real, then you can click here.